My Regulated Nervous System Summer
Plus five things on my mind right now.
Greetings from what I originally dubbed my Slowed Down Summer, but who am I kidding? Life keeps happening and summer - more than any other season - seems to pass so quickly. Slow down? I can’t. There are pools to swim in and al fresco dinners to enjoy late into the evening. So, I’ve been doing my best to have a Regulated Nervous System Summer. It looks like taking all social media off my phone for a few days, limiting my news intake, taking deep breaths, prioritizing rest and spending time with people who make me feel good. It also looks like me letting myself off the hook for not producing as much as I think I should. Although I keep trying to write a new post, all that comes out are random thoughts and ramblings about things on my mind right now. So, that is what I offer you - five things on my mind right now:
Summertime reminds me of the unadulterated freedom I only felt in my childhood. Sure, I have plenty of responsibilities – laundry to fold, a dishwasher to unload, emails to send, meetings to attend, bills to pay, medical appointments to schedule – but something about the long days, balmy nights, and swimming pools sparkling under the hot afternoon sun make me feel like I have all the time in the world to tend to my ordinary adult tasks. These sacred summer rituals make me feel like the to do list can wait, but sitting on the porch watching fireflies is an urgent matter. The rainbow-sprinkled ice cream must be eaten now. A swim in the ocean can’t be put off until the water is a bit warmer. Nothing is more important than dozing in a lounge chair poolside while a paperback novel rests on my lap. Is anyone else feeling this way?
When someone asks me what I did this summer, I want to be able to say: I was good to myself.
My husband and I spent the final day of June at an Oriole’s baseball game in Baltimore. When we stood for the seventh-inning stretch, I looked at a sea of flushed faces turned toward the American flag that stood billowing in the night sky. Men pressed their hats against their chests. Sleepy toddlers held melting ice cream bars. Peanut shells crunched under my feet, my belly was filled with hot dogs and buttery popcorn. The sense of Americana was so pervasive that, as the singer belted out the words to God Bless America, I felt a lump form in my throat. This was just days after the infamous first debate of the presidential campaign. Full disclosure: I watched the first 10 minutes, turned it off, then googled how many generations back can you claim citizenship in another country?
God bless America, I thought. God, whatever that means. God, Allah, Jehovah, Spirit of the Universe, the Divine, Yahweh, whatever you want to call it … please bless America.
The Kennedy Center offers a beautiful history of the song written by Irving Berlin in 1918. The New York Times referred to it as “an immigrants anthem,”1 as Berlin had fled religious persecution in Russia and wrote these words as an almost love letter to his adopted country. It is a song about unity and peace – two things our country is in desperate need of right now. Do you remember when members of Congress gathered on the steps of the U.S. Capitol building on the evening of the September 11 terrorist attacks and sang these words on national television?2
I had forgotten.
I finished Brutalities by Margot Steines, an unflinching debut novel about the author’s complicated relationship with brutality. It was heavy and difficult to stomach at times, but the writing is so beautiful and honest that I was compelled to keep going. I’m glad I did. I followed it up with Liv Constantine’s The Next Mrs. Parrish, something light, a little cliché, and fairly predictable. If Brutalities was a charcuterie board of rich, creamy cheeses, dried meats, and my favorite water crackers, then The Next Mrs. Parrish was a bag of salt and vinegar chips I picked up at Wawa and ate at the beach. Not bad, per say. Just different. Next up: Remarkably Bright Creatures by Shelby Van Pelt.
By the way, I miss summer reading lists. Do you need some suggestions? Here are a few words that got me through June:
“Memory Laps” by David Sedaris. I read this older essay in a writing class recently and really enjoyed it.
I love Ocean Vuong’s essay “The Weight of Our Living: On Hope, Fire Escapes, and Visible Desperation” so much that I often return to it when I’m feeling a little hopeless or stuck.
Sara began this essay as a response to a prompt in a writing class we both took this past year and now it is a gorgeous essay in The Huffington Post. I loved every word. Read it here: I Ran Into An Old Classmate After Losing 168 Pounds. Her Reaction Left Me Completely Stunned.
There’s Smut for Everyone - Because sometimes a steamy summer needs a steamy read.
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/02/arts/music/irving-berlin-god-bless-america.html
Made me think of SO Many things! Mainly ; the nostalgia summers as a kid & how not to let adult responsibilities & excuses stop me from enjoying all things summer Thank you for posting!