A little rest.
What if I stopped fighting the wisdom of my body?
Last week, I woke up with a sore throat, runny nose, and brain fog so thick it was impossible to string together a coherent thought. On Day 5, I reluctantly took myself to urgent care.
The nurse who examined me was wearing navy crocs with little charms stuck in them - a bright red apple, two cartoon figures giving the peace sign, a hamsa hand with a third eye. She took a few swabs of my throat and left me in a tiny, sterile room with a television set to HGTV. There was no remote to be found and I was too fatigued to slide off the paper-covered examining table to look for one, so I watched as a happy young couple transformed their dated kitchen into a modern coastal dream. An hour later, a doctor diagnosed me with a pretty bad case of the common cold, suggested a nasal spray and recommended I get plenty of rest.
Is that all? I asked her, hoping she would hand over antibiotics or wave a magic wand that would relieve me of my symptoms. I guess I had been left alone too long with a home improvement show, but I half-thought she would unveil a prescription with an exaggerated ta-da! Where was my big reveal? Where was my happy ending all tied up in a pretty bow?
Is that all? I asked.
I’m afraid that’s all you really can do. She said. Your body has to do the rest.
Maybe it’s all the self-help books I read over the years. Maybe it’s the deeply ingrained influence of capitalism. Maybe it’s hormonal. Maybe it’s just me. But, when my body doesn’t perform the way that I think it should, I feel betrayed by it. I demand it to clean the apartment, grocery shop, lift weights, and get angry when I slide deeper into illness.
After my visit with the doctor, I was depleted. I returned home, took a hot shower, and allowed the steam to fill my head and lungs. I cancelled all my weeknight commitments. I let the laundry sit in the dryer, I ordered takeout. Then, I sat on the sofa in my robe and slippers, a sheet mask plastered to my face, a Bravo show on the television. I felt … euphoric. Why don’t I do this more often? I thought. What if I stopped fighting the wisdom of my body?
The next day, I slowly began to feel better. Little by little, I shifted my focus from impatience to tolerance. I allowed myself to just be sick. The more I rested, the quicker I began to heal. The doctor was right.
This week, I’m continuing to check in with myself. Whatever my body needs - a second slice of apple pie, a longer hug from someone I love, a stronger boundary with a family member, more water, less coffee - I’m allowing it.
9 other things I did to feel less terrible this week:
Finished Tom Lake by Ann Patchett.
Listened to No More Grind: How to Finally Rest with Tricia Hersey on We Can Do Hard Things for the 1,000th time.
“Treating each other and ourselves with care isn't a luxury, but an absolute necessity if we're going to thrive. Resting isn't an afterthought, but a basic part of being human. Productivity should not look like exhaustion.” - Tricia Hersey
Binged Station Eleven on HBO Max and cried and cried. I know it’s an older series, but my threshold for pandemic fiction was pretty low for a while. That said, this really is more about connection and humanity and art.
Drank an absurd amount of green juice.
Turned off the news for a bit.
Sent a prayer of gratitude into the Universe for the privilege of having a job with paid sick leave.
Survived mostly on a version of this smoothie recipe: frozen blueberries, frozen raspberries, a lot of spinach, oat milk, half a banana, a little greek yogurt.
Spoke with a friend that went shopping with an older woman who recently lost her husband of many, many years. She was looking for a new black dress to wear to the memorial service. Someone cracked a joke in the dressing room and the woman laughed and laughed. The idea of giving into joy in the midst of what must be unbearable grief seemed so human, so hopeful. I listen for the laughter, my friend had said, and that’s how I know she’s going to be ok.
Wherever you find yourself this week, listen for the laughter. It’s going to be ok.
Be safe and be kind to one another.
Lexi xx
Hope you are feeling better! I got hit with a cold this week and it's no fun!